‘What are the top three things you find attractive in another person? Elaborate.’

Let’s step back into our days of online dating!!!

I should probably warn you that I have done next to nothing but consume all the smut reality TV and rework my Grandmother’s not so healthy recipes into functional again since breaking up with my ex boss. It’s been GLORIOUS.

Food and Dumb Bitches. Yes, Please.

Now.

We’ve all been there. It Doesn’t matter what you platform of choice, they all operate the same. You see their picture and either out of intention or desperation… we swiped right!

Congratulations, we’ve graduated from police line up to low grade stalking. Tapping through the pictures, zooming in to make sure it’s not photoshopped. The smart ones do a Google image search at this point.

then… bing… the person messaged you back.
Fast forward through the uncomfortable hormone driven omg moments… and the question arises..

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‘What do you find attractive in a person?’

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And it begins…

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not a big fan of ignorant questions. I fully understand that this specific question is so we as individuals can verbally confirm what is pleasing to us at that moment in time.

I really wasn’t going to take this daily prompt here… but fuck it. Honesty with myself is my accountability.

For the last 30 years, I have intentionally lied to myself and anyone who has asked me this. I sincerely apologize that I was not aware or strong enough to stand up to the image being created on my behalf and state..

I am not attracted to white men.

I apologize for forcing myself to fit within the White American Housewife roll no matter how uncomfortable it is.

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I have known since I was 10.

Back in the 90s though, white women who were with black and brown men were NOT considered honorable ladies- at least within the image and slightly racist upbringing my mother provided.

Although it was frowned upon, she never actually said it out loud. It was through the judgement of others that I became aware.

but the way the lights made Tyson Beckford glow…

By the time I got my first boyfriend, he was mixed. She didn’t have a choice but to accept it.

Backstory complete…

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Physical Attributes

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1. Hygiene. Are you clean? Are you capable of maintaining a regular shower schedule? Are you self aware?

Not sorry but if you smell.. Hard Pass.

This includes fragrances. Just because you like it.. doesn’t mean it goes with your body chemistry. Oh and I almost forgot to mention, I can go to Macys and smell the counter myself. I don’t need you to be a walking example.

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2. Style. Are you capable of wearing clothes that are suitable for your body type?

A wrench always looks like a wrench. Just because it looks good on someone else doesn’t mean you look good too.

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3. Skin/Hair/Build. Are you dark, taller and preferably heavier than me?

Solid.

I am not a small or weak girl.

I am also NOT afraid to be myself completely.. which brings us to….

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Personality Traits

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It has probably become very apparent to those who read this that I have a big personality. You are either going to keep reading because you feel the vibe, or you will dismiss this into the pile of things that make you uncomfortable. Either way, it’s cool.

My person needs to have their own personality and be completely confident in that. If you can’t laugh, I can’t trust you.

I am not about rage and destruction. I was there for a lot of years but I live in a place of kindness. There isn’t a lot of room for bullshit and games and honestly I don’t have the patience for all that static.

I’d much rather go play Tetris worlds while completely stoned than waste time arguing and being stressed out.

It’s a much more effective waste of time and when I get frustrated I can turn it the fuck off.

Act like a Man. I mean this in the most non sexist way possible, but act like a man. Cry when you feel it, express your pain, share your joy, and be capable of sharing the responsibilities of OUR life. Communicate yourself. I don’t want the it never hurts, I’m stalwart.

As a strong independent woman, I am already a lot better at stubborn and stalwart than you are.

I want you to be as open and as vulnerable as I am. As you are my protector, I am yours.

I need you to have a mutual understanding that as you have boundaries, so do I. Please be respectful.

I require a relationship that harbors complete loyalty, honesty and respect.

I will not dig through your phone or invade your privacy without consent. Just be honest. I’d much rather be secure in trusting the words because the consistency of your actions are unyielding.

Act your age.

Im 40. Going to the bar every night to return at wee hours of the morning puking is not my idea of a good time. I’m
not 22.

Wasting money and space on random shit is a massive no-go also. Again. We aren’t 20. I repeat, it is not the summer of 2003 again. I don’t need an Atari that will never get played just because I have a fond childhood memory of it. Put the Bop It down, Sir.

I’m not saying farts or porn playing loudly in a public library isn’t funny but..

Act Your Age.

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Now that I have solidly wasted an hour typing this out, I am sufficiently lost as to what the hell I was suppose to be talking about.. I am going to return to real life now. It’s laundry day 🤦‍♀️

I’d love to hear what you would like to read about in the comments section.

I’m out just as awkwardly as this online date started… 🍋💋