It’s time for the recap that was rude enough to not provide the skip button.
We left me sending an extremely awkward message to a random stranger from a year old newspaper clipping whom I found through Facebook.
Sounds like the intro to a super juicy Catfish episode.
Then the waiting began. It was getting late and I decided to get the kids cleaned and settled and lay down myself. Laying down doesn’t mean sleeping, rather it means watching smut reality tv until I open my eyes enough to navigate turning off the blaring infomercial at 2:45am.
The next morning started as routine as it could have been. I was starting my two days off and had a boatload of new information about myself I needed to rummage through. Get the kids off to school, put the dogs outback so they don’t drive me insane. I made some toast and chai and flopped down in my chair to start the process. Bing. PG had texted me the contact for my biological Aunt.
I dialed in the number, and a familiar voice answered the call.
It was like I had called myself.
Admittedly, the only thing I can remember from the phone call is that I have at least three half siblings. She also believed I had a brother out there. A full blood brother.
I was already mentally way the fuck outside of my comfort zone. Then hard facts got dropped and now… I just need to find my mother fucking vape.
I really couldn’t talk to my friends about this.. they wouldn’t understand. So I called Dad. GK answered and I started purging information like vocal diarrhea.
It was all so much.
I couldn’t sort out if I was excited, angry, scared or happy. Everything was so new. I just couldn’t comprehend at the time that the one struggle I’d lived with my entire life was solved with a simple $50 test. From everything I had researched over the years, it would have cost thousands of dollars and a specialized lawyer. Also know as too big of a pain in the ass if you aren’t in the two percent. Yet here I was, talking to a blood relative. Da fuq?!
About an hour I got an awkward message with an ‘I dunno, maybe’ vibe and a phone number. It took all of about 4 seconds to copy and paste.
The minute we started talking, we both knew.
THIS IS MY BLOOD.
See that. That is probably one of the most unflattering yet perfectly descriptive picture of my brother. (Love you dude 🍋💋👻)
I wasn’t aware that having children in such quick succession could lead to human cloning effects. The thing about M and I is we are back to back uterus destroyers. He was born Sept 1980 and I, Aug 1982.
We are also historic time points in our fathers life. M was born when our parents got married. I was three days after the divorce was issued.
Already mentally confused, now I have come to this realization. I have access to my fathers side, but mom is still a question mark. My anxiety is in full control. The darkest paranoid thoughts are running scenarios like I was a child again, and to cap it all off I had a lifetime of internet searches (thanks AOL chat rooms).
Unlike the olden days, I had an unanswered question,access to Google and a Person that knows who she is. At the same time.
Shit was about to get real.
At this specific time I was in transition from the Huntington House, back to the Elkview House which involved two kids.
We’ve fast forwarded to January 2020.
I’ve spent a year going back and forth with my brother. I’ve moved out of the house, to the temp housing and am now packing for the third time in three months.
I collapsed.
I had become mentally overwhelmed. It cost me 16 hours of my life, and a lost lifetime of memories and continued medical problems.
I was no longer capable of communicating as we once had. I couldn’t communicate. Not because I didn’t want to, but because when I collapsed I hit my head off a sink and.. well yeah. The only thing I could do was listen and grunt. But I could have my kids read to me. They needed the practice and they had been involved the whole time anyways. They called 911 for me.
So, the three of us went on an internet adventure and they officially got to talk to their Uncle on the phone.
We not only found her, but we found her current contact information. So, I called.
I need to butt in here for a minute and let you know that what I am about to say next is disturbing. I have come to terms with it. There are a lot of factors are in play which haven’t been discovered yet.
An older gentleman answered the phone and I politely introduced myself and asked for the name of my mother.
He asked if she knew anyone by that name and she said no. I heard my bio mom for the first time.
He came back on the line and said, ‘She said No. *exhales* Look, She doesn’t think you exist. Don’t call here again.’
The phone disconnected.
I was livid. How dare some old guy tell me I didn’t exist. Oh, Hell to the No. What once was nothing bigger than a pilot light had now become a laser focused assault with Thermal Plasma.
“In charge of what? Fucking me over for another three decades?”– character John Mason played by Sean Connery, The Rock(1996)
I dedicated the next 14 hours to exhausting the internet resources searching for anything. Absolutely anything. I amassed as much as I could in an effort to do as the military taught me.
Learning my target.
Coming up: from 2020 to present. The events and circumstances that prompted a cross country drive, retuning home after 20 years, and first meetings. Maybe even a little romance sprinkled in.
Stay Tuned…..🍋💋
🚢💋SEDONA SUNSETS💋🏴☠️ 