‘Have you ever felt so discounted by another person, that you started to believe it was true?’

Simply, yes.

I spent the better part of my life attempting to fit other peoples molds of me, in order to avoid confrontation or displease them in any way.

I have a remarkably well tuned habit of ‘over-caring’.
Y’all, oversharing is not over caring.

It wasn’t until recently, that I fully understood how incredibly hard it was… living a life outside of being a depressed stay at home and work there too Mom.

I was married for 17 years… one husband, some kids, some dogs and a whole lot of spousal rage and manipulation. I would get told about my past, and called names. It wasn’t until I was so overwhelmed by my own anxiety and depression that I started to drink.

I would rely on Miller to show up and once again that amazing momentary feeling of not caring to get through the day.

Eventually, all the problems I had already caused because I was there and breathing had become so consistent that I started to believe them.

After leaving the marriage, I was still proceeding down the road with an un-healed mindset and it led me into the exact same situation.

But this time, my life was at the hands of a man.

It’s very ironic that one year to the day of me saving my own life this would be the daily prompt.

The damage of Battered Spouse Syndrome is real. Although I don’t mean or believe them, when the pain is real enough…

…sometimes for a brief moment I slip right back to where I was when I believed it all justified…

There is no justification.
I am always healing.
I know my worth even though taxes were added.