How do you celebrate holidays?

Dear congregants, gather ’round the digital pulpit, for today we find ourselves faced with the daunting task of discussing the holidays. 🙄😜

Oh, the holidays, those treasured occasions where we are expected to put on our cheerful masks and pretend that everything is just as jolly as a Hallmark movie. But fear not, for I, your humble speaker, understand the true depths of holiday torment, and I am here to commiserate with you.

Let us commence with Halloween, that delightful time of year when we are supposed to embrace the joy of pumpkin spice and pretend that ghouls and ghosts are the epitome of excitement. But let’s be honest, who among us hasn’t secretly despised the overhyped pumpkin spice craze, as it infiltrates our lattes, muffins, and even our scented candles? It’s as if the entire world has gone mad for a flavor that should have remained in the pumpkin patch where it belongs. 🗑️🎃

And what of our dear Mistress Mariah? Yes, the enchanting Mariah Carey, whose melodic voice serenades us with “All I Want for Christmas Is You” from the moment the first leaf falls until the last snowflake melts. Oh, the joy of knowing that soon her seasonal anthem will be silenced for another year, and we can finally escape the inescapable earworm that haunts us throughout the holiday season. 🎤🎶

But wait, there’s more holiday cheer to be had! Let us not forget the joy of family gatherings, where awkward conversations and unsolicited life advice flow like a river. It’s a time when we are expected to grin and bear it, all while secretly longing for the sweet release of solitude. 🤬🫠

In conclusion, my fellow sufferers, let us unite in our shared disdain for the holidays. Let us embrace the sarcasm, the bitterness, and the utter absurdity of it all. For in our collective eye-rolling and sighs of exasperation, we find a bond that transcends holiday cheer. Amen, and may Mariah’s seasonal serenades cease until next year.