If you could un-invent something, what would it be?

Oh hell no… this is the prompt that totally should have been plural! SOMETHINGS.

10. Pantyhose:

Clearly developed as a solution for the unshaven leg- Pantyhose were invented in the late 1950s and went on sale in 1959. They didn’t become popular until the mid-1960s (thanks to the mini-skirt). They were revolutionary because women no longer needed to wear a girdle or garter belt, yet we managed to make it happen anyways.

9. Discount Shapeware:

Not every product is equal to clearance Spanx. Say it again with me. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some real beef with the amount of money I’ve spent on shit that just doesn’t fit me. Sure, it’s super easy to go on Amazon and convince yourself that the picture of the photoshopped lady is going to theoretically fit. Then it arrives and you realize the model was really a size 2 and the editor had shaped her into the wear. Buyers remorse sets in as you realize that package will be sifted out of the backseat two days after the eligible return date.

8. 60 Day Return Policy’s:

Thanks for the consideration on the extended time period. It’s the perfect amount of time for me to completely forget that I even bought the $20 piece of shit hosiery set in the first place.

7. Shopping for Women’s Health Products:

Who else experienced extreme anxiety when Walmart started walling off the beauty products? I get that they did it for loss prevention purposes, yet I’ve yet to witness a cashier actually operating the register as it was intended. Oh wait, that’s right! Im suppose to stand here and wait until they install the self checkout. I am the cashier.

6. Self Checkout:

Fuck this shit sideways with a spoon. It’s no wonder people steal shit all the time! Major companies have moved to this half assed self checkout system, nearly everywhere. Just the other day I walked into a Circle K to get a Sprite. Pulled my drink from the cooler and placed it on the self checkout. Put my AMEX in to pay and the fucking card machine declines it, tacks 4 charges pending on my card and reset the card reader machine. Simultaneously. Which coincidentally leads us into…

5. Employees responsible for self checkout machines:

Do yall ever pay attention? Continuing the story inside the Circle K- the girl working who was previously back by the drink coolers on the phone, rushes up behind me. Clearly panicking, she tries to ask me what’s going on with it. I look at her and simply answer, “It’s a piece of shit that shouldn’t be here.” She laughs and politely asks me to move my Sprite to the register.

4, 3 & 2: Regulations on Natural Selection:

It’s at this point some guy walks up behind me at the counter and starts hollering at the cashier girl, in the middle of her trying to speak to Me. Like what the fuck! I’m already on edge. I’ve just walked a block and a half after one of the most pretentious job interviews ever. My ride is halfway across the fucking valley because he’s my blood brother and has less patience than I do when it comes to ignorant folks. He also was working Curri, and got a good priced delivery… so I don’t blame him for going to make money, but it didn’t lessen the blow that I just spent an hour getting judged by strangers and now I’m stranded. Yet, I’ve got some stranger danger trying to have an encounter with a cashier that just wanted him to go away. Poor lady then explains to me that man has been harassing her for the last hour and she was on the phone with the building security because she felt unsafe.

Like what the fuck!!! Even though I was uncomfortable as shit, I sat out front with her until the security guard finally arrives. Of course there wasn’t going to be much that I could have done in a situation, but I grew up in the early 90’s. There is safety in numbers.

This whole ordeal takes about an hour, then I mosey across the street to the bus stop so my brother can swing right in from his direction and pick me up. Finally, I’m headed back towards the house. A moment of peaceful bliss.

This kind of turned into a list of things that I pretty much hate. In consequently, it aligns with all the things I wish that I could un-invent. But there is just one more thing that I would have to add, and I promise it is not my intention to offend.

1. ORGANIZED RELIGION.

As someone who was a practicing member of 19 years, I for the life of me do not understand the blind commitment to subservience in organized religion. It’s absolutely toxic for me to live defined by someone else’s expectations and rules. That being said, I do grasp the reality that some minds need the deep rooted system of beliefs to survive.

I’m tired of writing. Let’s chat in the comments!