I woke feeling some kind of way today.

Admittedly, Ive been fighting admitting this but for the last week- my anxiety has been seriously out of control.

On Monday, I started a job. By Friday at close of business, I was unemployed. Why? Because I specifically told them that I could not work Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. One would think being a Jewish person in a Jewish Deli this would be a reasonable accommodation request.

I found out the hard way that unless I am employed actually within the Arizona Jewish Community.

Although I have a pretty strong skill set, it’s looks like I am going to have to go back to school in order to learn a skill that will make me useful in today’s society. Lord knows just being kind, beautiful and a good housewife gets you fuck all anymore.

Clearly, the food scene has been manipulated by only those that can make it on TV.

Not to mention the strain of trying to deal with the US Military Records division, attempting to file my annual US taxes and just the general strain of a schedule switch.

The thing of it all is, I’m not angry or frustrated like I usually am. I’d usually be pissed with a serious case of projectile verbal diarrhea. Instead, I’m feeling calm and quiet. I don’t know if I have finally pushed myself to a breaking point or what, but as I am typing this it is as if the words are playing in Dolby 4.1 extreme surround. My usually racing thoughts are nowhere to be found, and my whole body just craves the weighted blanket warmth.

If anything is still present, it’s a Grand Canyons worth of self doubt and severe insecurity.

My brain has picked yet another glorious time to select distant childhood memories. I fully understand that these are all memories I had suppressed due to my Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria- in which all of my mental diagnoses have been named over the last 3 years. Try dealing with thinking that you are a normal, capable human being for 40 years of your life only to find out your brain was developed incorrectly from the get-go. Waking up early crying for nearly 2 weeks straight now is getting super old.

I feel some kinda way right now. It’s not really good, but it’s not all bad either.

Sunday morning purge, complete.