Have you ever unintentionally broken the law?

You mean outside of answering all of the illegal Bloganuary prompts?

Fuck it, because nothing screams self-preservation like throwing yourself under the bus quite like..

LIVE!

From Arrrriiizzzoooonnaa, it’s Thursday morning..

Nah, I had absolutely no potential plans for the weekend. I mean, why not just hand over your own head on a silver platter there, Day One?

It’s the ultimate power move, right? Who needs enemies when you can be your own worst critic?

I hope y’all are actually reading, because there’s homework involved. If I’m admitting to shit, it usually in person to very deeply associated individuals. So, lay it on me you beautiful lush, you. 💋

Come here. Let the traumatized autistic hippy take you on a jailhouse crawl across state lines!🚨

First stop has got to be the place I spent the first half of my life. The good ol’ 253.

Washington State, just as many other States used to have “Blue Laws” that prohibited the sale of meat on Sundays before 1909.

Blue laws are state laws that restrict or prohibit certain activities on certain days, often Sundays, to promote a day of rest. They can also be called Sunday closing laws, Sabbath laws, or uniform day of rest laws.

The most well known example is the Southern States ban on alcohol sales on Sundays before high noon.

As a sobriety champion recently released from my WV sentence, I can honestly say it’s not as bad as it sounds. Being restricted from buying alcohol until noon on a Sunday is only an emergency if you’ve been unfortunate to not get fucked up to sleep until at least the start of the football.

The NFL Network starts broadcasting 1 hour before the kickoff of the games. 11am Pacific/ 1pm East Coast. Work smarter, not harder. 🥂

In both West Virginia and Washington state, “blue laws” are a church-backed law that prohibits most businesses from operating on Sundays. These laws are mainly concerned with clamping down on Sunday drinking, dancing, or gambling.

In this particular instance, we are talking about the intensely unique population of individuals of our Fourty-Second state. ☔️

Bailiff, please remand evidence number 242 into evidence so the court may recognize…

There she is!!

Did you all see that fucking drop dead gorgeous line. Tucked in seductively behind all the other bullshit before it…

“…nothing in this section shall be construed to permit the sale of uncooked meats, groceries, clothing, boots or shoes.”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever personally experienced an average mid November day anywhere in Washington State outdoors for 8 hours. 🙋🏼‍♀️

It’s a special kind of wet and cold. 🥶

However, if your outside streaking on any given Sunday… your fucked. The State of Washington will provide you with a low quality jail blanket and haul you in.

No clothes or shoes for you degenerate.

Oh, and don’t forget to absolutely raid Fred Meyer or Costco with ALL of your neighbors on Saturday afternoon.

All others can report to the Whole Foods Parking Lots to pick up their free informational packet on Veganism. 🌱

Lest not mention the wonderful grey line dance performed for those working in Covid-essential employ. Make sure y’all carry your employer generated work authorization letters so you don’t get apprehended for breaking quarantine.

Love, all us Non-Essential folks enjoying our forced vacations. ❤️

Oh shit… the hollar police. They must be coming to get me for the multiple times I bought moonshine off bootleggers and known associates on Sundays.

There is something extra special about the resident of state thirty-five. Succession from the state of Virginia in 1863 imparted an unshakeable pride in the people of West Virginia.

Nestled in the dips and hollows of the Applaician Mountains, West Virginia is home to some of the best bootleg moonshine available along the Tennessee Highway.

(Pro-tip: I recommend homemade apple pie, the legal shit is watered down garbage.) 🗑️

It’s not uncommon to hear of the violence that takes place here. Most of the country that is aware of this place knows it for the ignorance that is a opioid addicted poverty level society. Yet, it is also infamously known for illegally stealing the hearts of its victims as they gaze across the hills of fire from the tip of a mountain top highway view point on a cool fall day.

It’s fucking hard not to break the law when you are surrounded by wilderness and beauty. Lest us not even mention my 20 years of unmentionable military service… although I can say- I’ve always been on the healing side of things. I AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON. Just loud and aggressive, I’m a big fan of factual intimidation. Don’t try if you ain’t got solid proof to back your claim. Thanks Uncle Sam!

So, I guess it’s time to see who wants to participate in today’s activity. Throughout today’s blog post, emojis were placed.

Would you be willing to leave me a string with your own admission?

Here’s mine!

🍺🥩🏈🏎️🍃💨🚬🔥🧷🪧💰🧾📋💃