What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

I was going to write this big poetic exposé for my 20 readers, but then I got frustrated.

HAPPY FRIDAY

Coping with negative feelings, eh? Alright. Complementing yesterday’s post, the answer to this prompt comes with the recent completion of this chapter in my self discovery.

Although I am not surprised with the answers that I have found, the journey is what brings me peace.

I am the product of a failed attempt to save a marriage. Brass tacks.

If it seems harsh to you, not sorry. I’ve come to accept it after a lifetime of wondering why I wasn’t worthy of being loved.

Unlike my 9 genetic siblings, I am the only one afforded the opportunity to be a self made person. I’m the only one that was left as a baby. My brother and sisters weren’t so fortunate. Only two of us got the opportunity to know our Mother, and one was by shear willpower.

Negative feelings have commanded my life since the day of my birth. Haunted by the ghosts of the past it is extremely hard to not self internalize and analyze every situation against your own fucked up life.

It’s so deep that I don’t understand the intimidation and surprise of others when they find out I was selected for the Air Force Band from a self recorded audition tape made my Junior year of high school. Right before jetting off to Israel to attend the second semester of the school year.

I fail to see the value in the awards and ribbons 20 years of military service afforded me. I fail to understand why people see the need to thank me for my service.

Have I hit the negative feelings yet? 🤣😂

So how do I deal with my life?

I cry. A lot.

I get pissed off and run my mouth.

I work the problem until it’s no longer a problem.

I walk away.

I go to therapists until they tell me it’s too much or my insurance fucks off.

Or, the most powerful weapon in my arsenal- I command the power to choose that it isn’t actually my problem and I’m not going to waste my energy on it.

I’d be stupid to think that after 41 years, all the people that have labeled me are going to play fair and apologize. Shit, most of them no longer have voices to speak with- and the lies are so deep there’s no point to play with stupid.

I don’t conflict. There’s no point.