Do you have any collections?

Besides terrible advice, inappropriate memes and unladylike life stories… 🤔

Greetings Gentle Reader!

As your author lounges next to the open smoking window catching her morning high, she finds herself amusingly bewildered.

How exactly does one truthfully answer this question?

I am not one for physical collections. That being said, I do collect many things like memories and stories.

But, there is one collection that is uniquely mine.

MY POTENTIAL BODY COUNT

Your author would be untrue if she said that it was boring. From the men who growl like a feral animal to the one with pure convictions of Winston Churchill’s ethnicity based on his name.

Courtship has proven an amusing challenge to say the least.

As a girl, I remember watching my friends start to go boy crazy around 5th grade. I didn’t get it. I was far more interested in mountain bikes and the Seahawks.

To this very day inquiries regarding my relationship status currently and 20 years past have come to light.

(A word of advice from one social media character to another- Don’t forget your Snapchat password and get locked out for 4 months while set to public add. Most of this is totally avoidable. 🤣)

So. Since your author is notorious for shamelessly sharing her own website links-

HERE YOU GO, Boys.

Question 1: “Weren’t you always taken during high school?”

Answer: No. Only 9th and 10th.

Question 2: “Didn’t you married RJ after graduation?”

Answer: Hell No. I didn’t even know he had moved on while I was overseas. I found out when they showed up across the street from my house at the chapel.

Question 3: “Do you want to get frisky?”

Answer: The reality of the situation is this… I no longer know you. Nor do I acknowledge the question because I’m not down with some secret sex game involving moist cat food. Gross! 🤢

Question 4: “You’re a babe, Are you single?”

Answer: No. Nor do I intend to ever be for you.

It must be noted that generally following this question, there is usually a second Snapchat which is sent and before you can click to open the text…. and BAM 💥

There it is- said strangers erected carrot. 🥕 (let’s be real, that carrot looks more accurate than 🍆)

With a brief shudder of indigestion and heartburn, the picture disappears in less than a moment.

Not soon enough.

Question 5: “Did you know that Winston Churchill was black?”

Answer: 😂🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Your author desperately wishes she was joking. The individual who made this statement was morally convinced of this fact as a 35 year old man under the reasoning of “his name is Winston”.

He was promptly corrected and publicly called out. Sorry kid, this grown Woman doesn’t play with ignorant racist pieces of shit.

Your author could continue on with colorful stories of the boy who left me and my kids on the side of the road because his mother told him to. To the one that growled like a grizzly when he orgasmed. The variety of drunks with less than intelligent suggestions or the master mechanic who lost the boat propellor in the middle of the lake. We could recall the number of times I’ve been catcalled or inappropriately grabbed. Asked for lewd photos to be sent digitally.

Or how about getting asked if you have an OnlyFans?

(The Look is Priceless, when you say yeah 😂)

Instead, let us end here with a clearly antiquated thought….

What ever happened to treating others like you’d like to be treated yourself?