What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?

Filing 1099 tax grievances against your entire family for $100 per person for up to 10 years…

Dearest Gentle Reader,

Good morrow! Wednesday greets this author with yet another Day One rarity. Blessed Be, y’all.

Today, we collective embark on a literary journey through the secrets to maintaining health and wellbeing!

Forget all those tired old tips about eating right, exercising, and getting plenty of sleep. I’ve discovered a much more exciting regimen. First, there’s the cardio boost you get from tripping children. Nothing gets the heart pumping like the sudden, frantic energy of tiny humans toppling like dominoes. It’s practically a high-intensity interval training session!

Next, for those seeking a real adrenaline rush, there’s nothing quite like playing live-action dodgeball with the Fifth Street Fentanyl Fiends. Blare the horn while speeding up, then watch them weave, and attempt to sporadically stumble away—it’s like an wack-a-mole, but messier. Plus, the constant paranoia is great for sharpening your reflexes and mental acuity!

Finally, we can’t overlook the benefits of confusing the elderly. It’s like a mental workout for both parties! Can you imagine the cognitive gymnastics involved in convincing Grandpa that the remote control is actually the phone? The benefits are twofold: you stay sharp, and they get a… well, let’s call it a “stimulating” experience.

So, ditch the boring self-care routines and embrace this new path to wellness. Remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you… well, probably just really tired!

In other news, happy Leo season. I really hope this entire bullshit post satisfies the parameters of today’s hot garbage prompt. In addition to completely fucking up the data mining process WordPress has going down.

Until tomorrow loves.