HONK IF YOURE NOT IN THE EPSTEIN FILES

👊💥🇺🇸

What historical event fascinates you the most?

✨DISCLAIMER: IF YOUR MAGA 🖕

Dearest Gentle Readers,

Some stories whisper.

This one screams.

For while many tremble at the mention of the Epstein files… your author simply sharpens her quill.

Let us begin with the “I Barely Knew Him” Club — a most crowded organization:

🚫👑Andrew Mountbatten Winsor

Ah yes, His Ex- Royal Highness of “I was at Pizza Express that night.”

Your friendship with Epstein and Maxwell was photographed, logged, and discussed in a courtroom.

And that settlement? Cost more than a crown jewel.

🎭 Alan Dershowitz

The esteemed attorney who insists he’s innocent, loudly, constantly, like a man trying to drown out his own thoughts.

He’s fought multiple accusations in court — denying every one — and suing anyone who suggests otherwise.

A hobby, perhaps.

📚 Harvard University

Took millions in donations from Epstein — then acted utterly shocked that money had strings attached.

Do return the funds promptly… oh wait, some is still in question? How academic.

✈️ The “Lolita Express” Frequent Flyers

A passenger manifest longer than a Bridgerton ballroom guest list —

filled with CEOs, politicians, and “I’d prefer not to say”-ers.

Being on the list doesn’t make one guilty…

but goodness, does it make one nervous.

🌴 The Private Island Enthusiasts

Those delightful souls who visited Epstein’s island and now claim they were just there for the fresh coconuts.

The palm trees remember, darling.

💼 The Government Agencies Who Somehow Didn’t Notice

The FBI, prosecutors, and various Very Important Departments who let Epstein secure the most absurd plea deal in 2008.

A round of applause for the worst performance in legal history.

And last — though certainly not least…

🤑 Everyone Who Benefited From His Money

Funny how checks clear faster than morality.

Philanthropy is so much easier when one never questions the source.

Let us remember:

✅ Being mentioned in evidence ≠ guilty

✅ Survivors’ voices ≠ optional

✅ Justice delayed ≠ justice denied

The most ironic twist?

The elite spent decades avoiding accountability — and now the receipts are public record.

So clutch your pearls, dear readers.

Hold onto your titles and your PR teams.

Because more documents are waiting in the shadows…

…and this author absolutely adores a well scripted sequel. 💋

Yours in truth, tea, and tasteful destruction,