What will your life be like in three years?

Dearest Gentle Reader,

Impossible questions deserve impossible answers. So, let’s see where your author can take this while high enough to see yalls grandmama houses.

Year One: The Glitter-Strewn Chaos

Headline: “Your Author Single-Handedly Outshines Starbucks Holiday Decor”

Summary: The year begins with your author pretending to adult like a professional while secretly hoarding scented candles and half-finished Pinterest projects. Romance is in the air—but mostly for the panic-induced flings that start at 3 a.m. via text. Friends watch in horror and fascination as your author’s life becomes a constant balancing act between “I have it together” Instagram posts and “I just ate cake for breakfast” reality.

Plot Twist: A minor celebrity accidentally likes one of your author’s posts, and suddenly the universe is convinced they are a rising social media icon. Your author responds by awkwardly trying to look busy at work while secretly Googling “how to monetize my chaos.”

Year Two: The Love Carousel

Headline: “Exes, Awkward Dates, and One DoorDash Hero: Your Author Strikes Again”

Summary: Romance intensifies—or at least the drama does. Your author auditions for love like it’s a low-budget reality TV show: mysterious strangers, questionable texts, and heartbreak delivered with Emmy-worthy flair. Meanwhile, the plants are thriving more than their love life, proving that nurturing something living is easier than maintaining a human connection.

Plot Twist: Your author accidentally becomes the “it person” in their friend group, not for their personality, but for the impeccable talent of making absolute chaos look like a lifestyle brand.

Year Three: Queen of Ratchet Glam

Headline: “Netflix, Gossip Columns, and Your Author: The Legend Continues”

Summary: By year three, your author is living fully in their own soap opera. They are a curator of chaos, a goddess of glitter, a diva of disaster. The career seems almost stable (a miracle!) while the social life oscillates between exotic brunches and wine-fueled couch marathons. The tabloids—or local gossip, whichever comes first—cannot keep up with the scandalous genius of your author.

Plot Twist: A viral moment cements legendary status. Is it a dance challenge gone wrong? A dramatic breakup story? Or just your author spilling a frappuccino over their laptop in a meeting? The world may never know, but they will talk about it forever.

Conclusion: Three years from now, your author reigns supreme—a dazzling, chaotic icon. Friends, exes, and strangers alike will whisper their name in awe, fear, and mild envy. And your author? They will sip boxed wine like a queen, fully aware that the gossip about their life is exactly how they wanted it.

Thanks for spending the time to read whatever this bullshit is. 😭