What could you do more of? (I swear to fuck… if the general public knew what the fuck ptsd survivors went through when we actually have to take the prescription medications. I just love getting an hour of sleep only to wake up violently ill. I’m so glad I tried to get help for my…

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received? In the heart of Las Vegas, just beyond the bustling streets of the famous Strip, there was a small office where lives were transformed, hope was rekindled, and souls were healed. In the year 2012, as a 29-year-old Army spouse, I found myself on the precipice…

What things give you energy? Have you ever noticed that your invisible penis size can say a lot about you? It’s like a modern aged aura check! We’ve all heard about “Big Gulp” energy and “Espresso Shot” energy, but today, we’re delving into the captivating realm of “Medium-Dick Energy.” Picture this: You stroll into your…

What’s your all-time favorite album? Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round, for today we embark on a journey through the whimsical realm of musical preferences or, dare I say, the lack thereof. You see, in the age of streaming services like Spotify and Apple Music, the notion of having a favorite album is as quaint as…

Which topics would you like to be more informed about? Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round! It’s time for a modern-day fairy tale set in the scorching desert of Phoenix, Arizona, where there lived a fair maiden by the name of Elle Dermillinial. Now, Elle wasn’t your typical damsel in distress; she was a woman on…

What would your life be like without music? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all who have gathered here today, I bid you the warmest of welcomes to this sacred space. It is with a heavy heart and a tale of fabled proportions that I stand before you, ready to share a story that…

How do you celebrate holidays? Dear congregants, gather ’round the digital pulpit, for today we find ourselves faced with the daunting task of discussing the holidays. 🙄😜 Oh, the holidays, those treasured occasions where we are expected to put on our cheerful masks and pretend that everything is just as jolly as a Hallmark movie.…

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail. Dear Congregation of Culinary Misfits, Gather ’round, ye seekers of kitchen wisdom, for today I shall regale you with a tale so utterly disastrous that it rivals the most epic of kitchen fails. Brace yourselves, for this tale of Thanksgiving woe involves a calamitous gravy-making endeavor,…

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life. Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for a sardonic sermon on the peculiar nature of people and how they’ve become experts at dodging the truth. It’s a tale as old as time, where honesty, loyalty, and kindness are as rare as a unicorn riding a…

What are your favorite types of foods? Dear beloved congregation, Today, as we gather in the spirit of reflection and contemplation, I’d like to take a moment to discuss a topic that often brings smiles, raised eyebrows, and the occasional chuckle—foods, and more specifically, the question that so often finds its way into our conversations:…