What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received? In the heart of Las Vegas, just beyond the bustling streets of the famous Strip, there was a small office where lives were transformed, hope was rekindled, and souls were healed. In the year 2012, as a 29-year-old Army spouse, I found myself on the precipice…

What things give you energy? Have you ever noticed that your invisible penis size can say a lot about you? It’s like a modern aged aura check! We’ve all heard about “Big Gulp” energy and “Espresso Shot” energy, but today, we’re delving into the captivating realm of “Medium-Dick Energy.” Picture this: You stroll into your…

What’s your all-time favorite album? Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round, for today we embark on a journey through the whimsical realm of musical preferences or, dare I say, the lack thereof. You see, in the age of streaming services like Spotify and Apple Music, the notion of having a favorite album is as quaint as…

Which topics would you like to be more informed about? Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round! It’s time for a modern-day fairy tale set in the scorching desert of Phoenix, Arizona, where there lived a fair maiden by the name of Elle Dermillinial. Now, Elle wasn’t your typical damsel in distress; she was a woman on…

What would your life be like without music? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all who have gathered here today, I bid you the warmest of welcomes to this sacred space. It is with a heavy heart and a tale of fabled proportions that I stand before you, ready to share a story that…

How do you celebrate holidays? Dear congregants, gather ’round the digital pulpit, for today we find ourselves faced with the daunting task of discussing the holidays. 🙄😜 Oh, the holidays, those treasured occasions where we are expected to put on our cheerful masks and pretend that everything is just as jolly as a Hallmark movie.…

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail. Dear Congregation of Culinary Misfits, Gather ’round, ye seekers of kitchen wisdom, for today I shall regale you with a tale so utterly disastrous that it rivals the most epic of kitchen fails. Brace yourselves, for this tale of Thanksgiving woe involves a calamitous gravy-making endeavor,…

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life. Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for a sardonic sermon on the peculiar nature of people and how they’ve become experts at dodging the truth. It’s a tale as old as time, where honesty, loyalty, and kindness are as rare as a unicorn riding a…

What are your favorite types of foods? Dear beloved congregation, Today, as we gather in the spirit of reflection and contemplation, I’d like to take a moment to discuss a topic that often brings smiles, raised eyebrows, and the occasional chuckle—foods, and more specifically, the question that so often finds its way into our conversations:…