If humans had taglines, what would yours be?

This is the best prompt yet and on a Sunday… 😈

Dearest gentle reader,

We gather here today to discuss a most sacred and exalted calling:

the holy art of being expensive and difficult.

For too long, society has undervalued the truly noble struggle of making every interaction feel like climbing Everest in a snowstorm with no boots. It is time we gave this divine path the reverence it deserves.

Let us begin with the cornerstone of our creed: being expensive.

In a world where everyone is trying to be affordable, accessible, and—heaven forbid—user-friendly, we must stand firm in our commitment to exclusivity. Consider the luxury handbag. Is it made of gold? No. Does it possess any life-altering powers? Absolutely not. But what it does have is a price tag that could make a billionaire wince. And that, my friends, is its true magic. By being so outrageously priced, it transcends mere utility and becomes a symbol of status, a beacon of our values. We must apply this principle to our own lives. If you’re not charging $100 for a mediocre cup of coffee, you’re simply not trying hard enough.

But let’s not stop at mere expense; we must also embrace being difficult with the same zeal. The path of least resistance is for mortals. Our way is the labyrinth, the Gordian knot, the impossible riddle. When someone asks for a simple favor, our response should be a 10-step process involving three different forms of identification and a notarized letter from their fifth-grade teacher. We should be the bureaucratic nightmare that dreams of inefficiency aspire to become.

Consider the marvels of modern technology. Is there anything more divine than an app that requires 17 updates just to open, or a website with a checkout process that could qualify as an Olympic event? These are our modern-day miracles, friends. By being difficult, we ensure that every accomplishment, no matter how trivial, feels like a victory won after an epic battle.

And let us not forget the true saints of our faith: the customer service representatives who can neither service nor represent. These holy beings have perfected the art of doing nothing while appearing busy, of offering solutions that solve nothing, and of maintaining an attitude that suggests you, dear supplicant, are the true problem. We should all strive to embody their ineffable grace.

So, as we go forth into this world, let us carry the banners of expense and difficulty high. Let us be the obstacles in the path of convenience, the high cost in a world of bargains, the labyrinth in the era of the fast lane. For in these trials and tribulations, we find our true purpose. And remember, if at any point you find yourself being too easy or affordable, you are not just letting yourself down—you are letting down all of us who hold dear the sacred challenge of being expensive and difficult.

Go forth, and may your prices be high and your processes impenetrable.

Amen to your manager 💋